To quit or to continue on ...

I don't consider myself much of a quitter. I'd like to think that I'm more of a go-getter. I usually don't let much stand in my way of obtaining desires.

India has been a dream of mine since the age of twenty or so. It's been my main goal for the past year. I worked hard to get where I am today and to much disappointment, I'm about ready to throw in the towel.

Last night, just after 10pm, I was in bed with the lights out and the TV on. I heard a funny noise outside the balcony of my window and it was moments later that the window opened and in came a pair of hands moving the curtain out of the way. I hopped out of bed and loudly said excuse me. The hands disappeared and I heard a loud thud as someone jumped over the balcony and ran down the hallway. I was going to open the door and peer out to see who it was but I decided not to play the hero.

I packed all of my valuables in my bag and marched down to the reception. I told the guy at the desk what had happened and he didn't seem surprised nor was he apologetic. I told him that they better find me a new room immediately or give me my money back and make arrangements to situate me at a new hotel.

He gave me a real nice room for the same price so I suppose a bit of good has come from the bad. I had trouble sleeping last night despite the bars on the windows. It gave me a number of hours to ponder my trip here in India.

I arrived exactly four weeks ago today and I've given India a very fair chance. I see that I have had to change the person I am. I walk with my head down, sunglasses on at all times. I avoid eye contact and shaking hands. I trust no one and don't speak to anyone unless I'm doing business with them. It's draining and I am starting to feel like a bit of a bitch.

I'm not sure if I really want to spend anymore of my hard earned money in this shit hole of a country. My return ticket to Thailand is becoming more and more tempting with each passing day. I've not traveled through the northern part of Thailand as of yet and I'd easily be able to cross over into Laos. If time permits, I wouldn't be opposed to going back into Cambodia to spend a few more days at the temples.

I've booked an early morning train on Thurday to Hampi as I hear it's worth checking out. It's a seven hour journey and it may just be my deciding factor.

One day at a time is all I can do for now. I feel much more relaxed than I was this morning but perhaps now is not my time for India. I look around me and see all these other travelers that have been here for months and seem to be having the time of their life. I wonder why it is that I am not ...